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SORRY THAT ALL I DO LATELY IS ALERT YOU TO MORE EMBARRASSING STUFF I WROTE [17 Nov 2012|11:18pm]



SORRY THAT I HAVE REALLY SPECIFIC IDEAS ABOUT HOW AND WHY THE LAST BATMAN MOVIE WAS A HOT MESS BUT SELINA KYLE AND BRUCE WAYNE ARE STILL THE BEST MOVIE COUPLE GOING. At least it wasn't one direction this time, am I right? (It will be one direction again soon enough.)
1 vicious lie| libel me!

ONE DIRECTION STRAIGHT TO HELL [13 Nov 2012|12:00am]



WHAT IS THIS BAND??? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT TO THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR EXCEPT BY WRITING 5000 WORDS OF BLUE-BALLS HOGWARTS AU FIC ABOUT IT. THAT'S LITERALLY MY ONLY COPING MECHANISM. Fuck everything.
14 vicious lies| libel me!

[03 Nov 2012|09:24pm]
i'm like 90% finished with a halloween fic, plus i have so much that actually needs to get done, so obviously it's TIME TO JUST POST SNIPPETS THAT I ADMIT ARE NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Idk, I just got really attached to the idea of like, what houses various members of this boyband would be in (Louis & Zayn, Slytherin; Niall, Hufflepuff; Liam, Gryffindor; Harry, SURPRISINGLY DIFFICULT, is there such a thing as Huffleclawff? probably Gryffindor tho tbh.) Like, you know. Louis is the intensely popular Slytherin who ends up being head boy, and Zayn is this snooty Pureblood who's secretly really goofy and fun but his shyness manifests as Eternal ~~Mysterious~~ Bitchface, and Liam is tragic about it because he has feelings. Anyway, I don't know. Fuck it. I'm posting this.

one direction goes to hogwarts: a fan fiction i'm never going to actually writeCollapse )
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[19 Aug 2012|03:29pm]
PART THREE: THEY ARE IN LOVECollapse )
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[19 Aug 2012|03:27pm]
PART TWO: #THKSLORDCollapse )
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FIRST DAY OF THE FOOTBALL SEASON MEANS FIRST DAY OF FEELINGS I WILL BE SHARING WITH YOU!!! [19 Aug 2012|03:18pm]
OTP PRIMER: CRISTIANO RONALDO/RICARDO "KAKÁ" LEITE



Or: An I Wish A Gut Year For Arrybudy
Or: Kaká Loves Cristiano Ronaldo And So Do We And By God So Will You By The Time We're Finished Here I Don't Care If You've Never Seen Soccer Before
by yeats & dorkorific.

*WARNING ALL OF THESE HAVE A BILLION PICTURES AND THEY WILL KILL YOUR BROWSER SO SORRY I'M NOT SORRY.

**WARNING 2 WE WROTE MOST OF THIS LAST SEASON SO THE CRIS SECTION IN PARTICULAR IS MISSING A LOT OF EUROS CUTENESS FEEL FREE TO DROP THAT SHIT OFF IN THE COMMENTS



hiyeeee byeeeee

PART ONE: CRISTIANO RONALDO, Or, Literally The Worst Human On EarthCollapse )
57 vicious lies| libel me!

AUs I'm Totally Not Writing, About Boy Band Members [23 Jul 2012|09:55pm]
1. Did you know that I ship Zayn Malik/Pepe Reina now.



I don't know. Because fuck you, that's why. Because Zayn is small and brooding and intensely hot and would be all nervously sullen & awed & aroused around Pepe's self-assurance & virility? Because Pepe is a solid wall of sirloin man steak who would get a kick out of Zayn's self-conscious "moody" thing/secret cute awkwardness/awful Wingdings tattoos?



WINGDINGS!!!! Get me out of here and by here I mean my own body.

JUST PUT ME IN JAIL WHATEVER I DON'T CARECollapse )



OH MY GOD, BOTH OF YOU. I'M SERIOUS. GET OUT. YOU ARE A NIGHTMARE. A NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!! Don't even get me started on how much i love louis. I don't want to talk about it. Yes I do. No I don't. Goodbye, forever.
55 vicious lies| libel me!

WHAT A FUN THING TO COME OFF HIATUS FOR! [07 Jul 2012|12:05pm]
hi guyyyys.

so uh. i am selling the shoebox project pictures. NO I KNOW BUT MY RENT GOT HIKED AND...IT'S JUST PEOPLE SEEM TO WANT THEM AND IT TURNS OUT PROSTITUTION IS HARDER TO ORGANIZE THAN I THOUGHT, although asking for money on the internet is much more degrading. anyway, it starts tomorrow and it'll be $8 if you want a specific picture and $5 for a random (which i guess is like. $10 and $7 with shipping?) and the procedure for getting one is here. it'll start tomorrow. OKAY SORRY I'LL HAVE SOME NON-HUMILIATING ENTRY UP HERE SOON (does One Direction RPS count as non-humiliating. probably not, right. god dammit.)


i don't even have this one anymore.
5 vicious lies| libel me!

[26 Apr 2012|02:22pm]
1. Yo I put all the things on A03. Including stuff from like 2006, and also the insanely filthy RM locker-room orgy thing that was comm-locked and that I still kind of can't believe I wrote? THAT'S WHAT'S UP!

2. what a fucking week for my feels, bro.



Blah blah soccer! I am actually too emotionally exhausted to even talk about it, though tumblr remains a horrible record of what a fucking mess I was. All I have for you rn is that this dude



is the prince of my heart*, the step in my groove, my rain in the desert, etc. One day I'm gonna do a huge terrifying post about it.



It's in google docs so you know that's real talk.

*all of real madrid is also the prince. ALL OF THEM.

2a. Speaking of which, this is a thing that tyrannicides and I are writing now, apparently. It's 25,670 words so far and I made graphics for it.



Cool. Great. Normal late-twenties-year-old stuff.
15 vicious lies| libel me!

why isn't there a "hunger games" soccer AU [27 Feb 2012|02:07pm]
I mean, I know why there isn't: because RPF is creepy enough without sociopathically killing off your characters. I am not sure I could write any real people, even in fiction, even the ones I truly and deeply hate, getting their faces chewed off by mutant wolves.

but it would be so good, Iker would be the Katnissy volunteer who saves Unai's whiny ass, and Cris would be the beautiful flirty Career with a tragic soul and a heart of gold Finniiiiiiiiiick, and Cesc would be Rue leaping through the trees and Ricky would be the stouthearted bakery boy who survives via the power of Love. (the shipping would obviously be, uhhh, different.) Sergio is Gale. XABI IS CINNA! MOU IS PLUTARCH HEAVENSBEE!! I CAN'T STOP!!!! it could be the first games where nobody dies, because of ... reasons! Ugh, there is no way I can ever write this. goddammit. my psychotic reach exceeds my grasp.
37 vicious lies| libel me!

[17 Feb 2012|09:40pm]
valentinesplay reveals are up! which means I can finally admit to you, confessional internet, that I wrote fic where Cesc Fabregas is a kitten and Iker Casillas finds him in a box. (IT'S MORE PLAUSIBLE THAN YOU THINK!) Everything I've written lately is the most embarrassing thing I've ever written. I honestly don't even give a fuck anymore.

Title: The Door, The Table, The Bed
Words: 5322
Rating: PG...13 maybe? For boners.
Pairing: Cesc Fabregas/Iker Casillas
Summary:




is



the end.

Notes: This was a valentine for tyrannicides, who once of her own accord said the following sentence: “I'm not even into cats that way, I just want Cesc sleeping in a cardboard box.” On your own head be it, boo. U r my sunshine.

The Door, the Table, The Bed.
1 vicious lie| libel me!

FIC: Set Me As A Seal Upon Your Heart [15 Feb 2012|06:21pm]
title: Set Me as a Seal Upon Your Heart
author: rave (dorkorific)
words: 31,197 (??) (?????!?!?!??)
pairing: Cristiano Ronaldo/Ricardo “Kakà” Leite (Football RPS)
rating: nc-17
summary: Cris is a half-demon; Ricky’s a new priest.
warnings: Everything involved in writing an RPF romance in which Kakà’s a priest -- appropriations of Catholic and other Christian symbolism, explicit sexual content, etc. Fuck or Die. Dubcon. Some violent imagery.
notes: under cut.Collapse )




Set Me As A Seal Upon Your Heart
one    //    two    //    three    //    four    //    five

on AO3.

soundtrack.
13 vicious lies| libel me!

[15 Feb 2012|05:43pm]
set me as a seal upon your heart: sdtrk.Collapse )
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set me as a seal upon your heart: 5/5 [15 Feb 2012|05:32pm]
set me as a seal upon your heart: 5/5Collapse )
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set me as a seal upon your heart: 4/5 [15 Feb 2012|05:31pm]
set me as a seal upon your heart: 4/5Collapse )
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i've been hiding from LJ in shame because i still haven't finished my second fucking help_japan fic [25 Jan 2012|03:19pm]
DID YOU KNOW IT'S ALMOST A YEAR LATE? I did, because I think about it every god damned day. Anyway, I'm making a meme-y follow your bliss post -- of the sort that everyone is allowed to do around the new year, so whatever -- because fuck it, that's why. Get this crazy avoidance out of my system. See if it works.

I approach writing in this very millenial, soundtracky way, with a lot of visuals and montages and, you know, flashback jump cuts etc. Everything has a theme song. Would you like to know what the theme songs are for everything I wrote last year and some of the stuff I wrote before that and some of the stuff I'm writing now? And all my veeerrrryyyy deep thoughts about them? Too bad if you don't! I'm going to tell you anyway.Collapse )

How about y'all? Do you write to music? Is it tailored to the shit you're producing, or is it like "ALWAYS RANDY NEWMAN FOREVER" or whatever? Tell me about youuuuu.
39 vicious lies| libel me!

oh lj my poor ailing goldfish [29 Jul 2011|03:23pm]
I AM NOT LEAVING YOU, AHAB, OKAY. I'VE STUCK BY YOU AND THIS TANK FOR SO MANY YEARS.

idk, I am afraid of change, so a move to dreamwidth is probs not going to happen until lj actually clutches my hand, gasps out a few consoling words and dies. getting a tumblr was as close as i'm likely to get to "adapting" to "the modern internet."

i have a lot of work that NEEDS to get done today, so i think i'll post some WiPs. that is definitely a good choice which i won't at all regret! ugh, guys, I have so many open projects right now. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful for the creative explosion, but also, help?

1. the master & commander/sherlock holmes crossover (2000 words).Collapse )


*



2. the bbc merlin/t.h. white crossover. (5000 words) (I know.)Collapse )



3. the stevie/xabi napoleonic war AU.Collapse )


4. the inception one.Collapse )



5. the master & commander/temeraire mary sue crossover (YES, REALLY) (I JUST WANT ONE DECENTLY-WRITTEN LADY CHARACTER IN THE O'BRIAN-VERSE, OKAY, IS THAT SO WRONG)(someday i will write a manifesto about Reclaiming the Mary Sue) (and it will be so goddamned boring) (look forward to that day flist)Collapse )



fjksdkh my inability to finish my shit. i'm not even gonna get into the ACTIVE FICS aka the district/two help japans/all the psychosis i perpetrate with tyrannicides and yeats all the goddamned day/the whole fucking x-men situation/etc. ahahahha guys. just burying my head in my hands, laughing tragically.
30 vicious lies| libel me!

god dammit, tumblr [14 Jul 2011|09:55am]
Tumblr is actually the devil's platform. I'm all up in there all damn day long, looking for gifs of Michael Fassbender running a hand ~sensually through his hair (NO REASON, JUST LOOKING) and posting pictures of baby dingoes. I hate you, tumblr. I used to do work. (Hahahahahah just kidding, no I didn't.)

But seriously, it is one of the most insanely ADD-enabling innovations I've ever encountered. I'm never sure if, like -- I start to write things about my life, and then I'm like "that's boring, nobody cares on Tumblr, take it to LJ," and then I look at LJ and it's like "wait, I have to create my own content? Why would I do that ever." and then I just go back to my slack-jawed life of info consumption. RITING IZ HARD. especially because it's the off-season so I'm having this, uh, slight minor x-men situation? I may have mentioned.



I CAN'T HELP THAT THEY GIVE ME FEELINGS. I just want to write 4,000-word sex scenes where they make slow tender brain love by gazing at each other and then Erik makes Charles a bouquet of roses out of metal and then everybody cries. Is that so wrong.

ugh here's an example of what tumblr dun did to me: I started this entry and I'm already petering out. What in god's name was I ever intending to talk about? Was I really going to whine about how the internet gives me too many opportunities to fuck around? APPARENTLY YES I WAS. if you have a tumblr you should come hang out with me so i'll have even MORE ways to waste time. I'm @sashayed. Motto: There Will Be Kitten Gifs.





ps did you guys know that that christopher pine fellow is still



STUPID HOT. so I guess tumblr has its uses after all.
14 vicious lies| libel me!

district cookies, mix tapes, and other appeasements [26 Jun 2011|04:12pm]
1. ugh, it's a good day. sittin on my front porch, drinkin a beer, creating elaborate art on my keratin outgrowths.





yeahhhhh peep that impasto, internet. MUST BE SUMMER



2. not unrelatedly, I made a summer mixtape. God, it's fuckin difficult to limit yourself to 25 songs, man! but I did it, because that was the arbitrary goal I set for myself. and what am i if not adherent to arbitrary goals.

mix + tracklist.Collapse )


3. I'm mid-one of those WILL ACCOMPLISH THINGS NOW writing sessions; you can tell by the insane extent to which i'm procrastinating. anyway it becomes increasingly clear that the next part of the District is not going in its orignally conceived direction. so now I have a couple pieces of extracurricular media stuff that I can't use. i'mma just post them for fun.

cris's work inbox + some wonkette.Collapse )

ETA: skdfj AND i forgot that the original purpose of this post was to say two things, neither of which I ended up saying.

1. FUCK YES NEW YORK FUCKKKKK YESSSSSSSS

2. I got one of them tumblrs the youth of today are so into: sashayed.tumblr.com. Do you also have a tumblr? Of course you do. What is it? I NEVER WANT TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING EVER AGAIN
35 vicious lies| libel me!

IDEK what this journal is turning into but I am enjoying it [10 Jun 2011|01:07pm]
People often ask me, "Rave, you are a pretty weird and introverted person afflicted with a number of mental illnesses and a thousand feelings, and also your hair behaves however in the fuck it pleases without regard for your preferences. How, in the face of these disadvantages, do you muster so much swag?"*

The answer, as indicated by the previous entry, is of course "stuff." No, it isn't. It's attitude towards stuff. And I am going to lead you through a beginner's guide to that attitude, because I got a new camera and it's really exciting and I took pictures of ALL THE THINGS!!! So here it is. Rave's Guide To Disposing Of Your Disposable Income, Living Well, and Being Awesome, Episode 2: How to Own Stuff You Love And Love Stuff You Own.** YMMV (Your Materialism May Vary).

I like things.Collapse )


*nobody has ever actually asked me this? I figure it is only a matter of time though.

In conclusion,



This song is the only truth you need ever know and also contains Amy Sedaris. The end. FUCKINNNN DOLLYYYYYY.

WELL that was a fun way to spend the morning. Projects for the rest of today: catching up on ancient comments, reaching 1000 words on my second help_japan story, and at some point maybe doing my job. Maybe. Probably.
45 vicious lies| libel me!

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